My 2 Cents & I am ....

Shock and Awe
The Characters in this narration are imaginary but the narration is real.

"Adhavadhu, Sir" began my next door MAMA( tamil for unwelcome, unwanted 2 cents of advice. MAMA also means uncle but this MAMA is not that MAMA). MAMA is a torchbearer to the long standing belief in the community that a 1935 tenth grade is yards more cognizant than an IAS officer of today. He never forgets to remind you that "Naan antha kalathu SSLC da" ( I studied SSLC(tenth grade) in those days) and you are often left wondering why you were born in free India.

MAMA's opening words are often reflective of his mood. "Adhavadhu, Sir" usually meant "Danger"- the man has been bored sitting in his house, he has read the daily newspaper from the date to the obituary column, called his wife for his nth coffee and has been forcefully pushed out of the house. With the whole world (news) now in his fingertips, he needs some local news( in colloquial English, this is what we term "gossip")He ventures out of his apartment and by the time, the next door hapless neighbor could react, he is in their sofa munching some mixture and coffee from their house.

MAMA exasperatingly continued "Adhavadhu Sir, intha Sonia Eppadi Pannitalae?"( How come Sonia could do this?)in a tone which might suggest to passive, ignorant onlooker that Sonia was his daughter-in-law. The next few words, from his mouth often punctuated with the sound of the mixture hitting against his teeth, would make his stand a little more clear. "Ennava irundhalum, Jannanga ellam avulluku thane votu potta" ( Afterall, the people voted for her). My brother and me started exchanging the bemused looks as we knew MAMA to be a strong advocate of no-foreigner policy but then we knew MAMA changed colors often just like Vijayaganth( intended typo) would in the dream songs. When my brother was waiting for his Engineering admission, all that MAMA had to say in encouragement was " Waiting list number 745 ah, edhavadhu Arts college la admission Kadaikkum" (Waiting list number 745 is it, you will get into a Arts College.). When he eventually got the admission, MAMA's somersault would have made Ganth proud -"Naandhan appove sonnenolloyo, unnakku Enginnering Collegela edam kadikuumnu, naan andha kalathu SSLC Da.. Naan sonna Thappa irrukadhu" (I have told you time and time again, that Engineering is your destiny. I am never wrong, I studied SSLC in those days)

Then my dad retorted by giving his thoughts on the Sonia situation. We were hoping that Mama has had enough for the day as his mixture plate was empty and there was nothing in his coffee tumbler but a few flies. MAMA was inspired by Rahul Dravid today and he seemed immovable like "THE WALL". MAMA went to blame Indira Gandhi for sending Rajiv Gandhi abroad and this is from the man who exhorted my reluctant brother to go abroad for his studies by saying "Poi, Intella Sendhurungo" (Go and Join Intel as if Gordon Moore and him shared the same bed while he was at Michigan) and he also added a communal angle to the issue by saying "Vellinatla thanda, Brahmanalluku Madhiipu" (Brahmins are respected only abroad).

By this time, we all knew MAMA had come for a long innings and would fade away once the serials started in Sun TV. Little did we expect, what MAMA had to say next. MAMA cautioned my dad - " Paathu da, Un paiyanum edhavadhu vellakarriya kuttindu vandhuraporan" (Be careful, even your son might grab a white chick.) Little does he know, that my brother with a name which is 18 characters long, dark moustache and eating a daily diet of Vattha Kuzhambu, Paruupu Thogaiyal, Curd Rice doesn't even stand a chance with a desi girl. As soon as my dad eys wandered out of boredom, MAMA knew where to target and he said "Enndi Saroja, Ennoda co-brother oda moonavathu sisteroda rendavadhu machninanoda nallavathu ponnu kudda americala enggayo San Jose amme angathan irrukal,Pnnu peru Ranganayaki avala vennumna on paiyan aravadmudhuku pakkalama" ( Saroja(my mom) , my co-brother's third sister's second brother-in-law's fourth daughter is in America in a place called San Jose, shall we hook up your son Aravamudhu and her... her name is Ranganayaki). Alas, my brother is going to get hitched to some XYZ who thinks sex is like Crocin which needs to be taken only when necessary i.e when your parents are forcing you to have kids. My brother and me were freaking out at the thought of this and my dad was trying his herculean best to put an end to this topic which usually interests my mom every minute. After 5 hours of gruelling wait, our moment of triumph did come and it was because Mama could hear "Annamalai"( not be the mistaken with the Thalaivar padum. This is the run of the mill Sun TV serial in which the dad predictably has retired out of a Government job after 35 years of service. He has spent his last penny bringing up 4 kids- 3 daughters and 1 son. The son is predictable married to a girl from a richer household and is predictably living with her. Daughters predictably are being treated cruelly by her husbands. The serial is predictably brought to you by the glycerine making company) title song which was resonating off the walls of every house in the apartment.

MAMA never came back again as Manmohan Singh took charge. My brother after years of toil without avail finally got a girlfriend of his choice...

Until MAMA returns with the next WMD- Wambu MahnaDu(Gossip Conference), we are all safely bachelors.