I have a great obsession for Albert Einstein brand of humor. He once said "If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut". Isn't it true that most of us get our foot in the shit by opening our mouth at the wrong time. That is precisely what is going to happen now....
I am going to come up with my own real "what-if" story. All acknowledgements to me and all brickbats to
The 'What-if' make-your-own-movie formula!- as this post is really the sole inspiration behind this biopic
Shot 1 Take 1
Action
"Innimae Late ah vandha Archana Sweetoda than varanum" said an angry but happy wife to her husband on Monday morning radio. It was already 8:30 and I was still in bed not wanting to get up and face the world on a cruel Monday morning. Like always, my Biology record was pending and I had been attempting to draw a cockroach brain but with little success. My mom had already left for work and I showered quickly, played with my little cousin and quickly grabbed something to eat and was on my way. The cockroach's brain was still playing inside my brain.
As I had blogged before, my school had an unique way of finding people to lead the school assembly. The PT Sir usually picked an innocent soul and asked him to lead the assembly. Most people took up the challenge ,with much hesitation and of course with very little preparation, just to save their face in front of the girls in the class. Some misogynists ( After 12 years, I would call them 'losers') evaded the responsibility by feigning to be sick. In retrospect, I think they would make great politicians in future as the politicians are the only folks who shirk away from responsibility citing medical reasons.
Thank God!!! I wasn't picked that day. Monday morning prayers were usually long with the principal giving her words of wisdom. As we assembled in line, my eyes were looking around for the Biology teacher. I always looked for her every day as she was goodlooking and she brightened my dull mornings. But today was special as she was playing in my cockroach brain. There were no signs of her and I started the prayer with a smile on my lips and thanked THEE for his act of kindness.
The Biology class wasn't until late in the day and I had initially planned to draw the cockroach brain during the curse of the day. Since the biology maam wasn't there, I decided to call it quits and postpone the brain for one more day. Biology class did come. Just like me, everyone had noticed that Biology maam was absent. We were happily talking and needless to say ,about some girls in school .Then someone dared me to throw a chalk at the one and only goodlooking girl in class. At a time when I fed on Ganth and Sarath Kumar movies, this came as the greatest challenge to my masculinity. ("Indha Ettipatti Gramathla Enna Edhirika yaaru le irrukkka"(it is best, if left untranslated) was echoing in my ears). I picked up the chalk in grand style and flung it on her and it traveled like that bullet in Gaanth starrer "Pulan Visaranai" . The trajectory of the chalk was not lowering and it zoomed past the target and it hit someone else's legs. The someone else was none but the Biology maam who came onto the scene from nowhere. She caught me in the act. (the act of throwing the chalk piece). Rest as the cliche goes is not history. It was infact misery. I was taken to who else but the jobless Principal who was surprised ( the school foolishly thought that I will get a state rank that year) and she gave me truckloads of advice as to how I could easily become a misguided missile blah blah blah.The biology maam, for her part, made me draw all the diagrams from cockroach's brain to a rat's ass with my own right hand and made a mockery of my creations by commenting out loud about how the cockroach brain and the rat ass could be interchanged and no one could tell that they had changed places. That was the day I made the first big decision in life - to care a rat's ass for biology. Thus, I became an Engineer.......
But today, as I sit here in front of the computer at 9:00 on a Friday night like a loser- with my girlfriend 850.6 miles away, I wonder "What If that chalk had hit that chicken 65(the nickname of the girl for whom the chalk was sent as a messenger)"....
I picked up the chalk in grand style and flung it on her and it travelled like that bullet in Gaanth starrer "Pulan Visaranai" .The trajectory of the chalk lowers and hits her justborn twins. She looks me up in the eye , gives me a smile and returns to the cokraoch's brain. The Biology maam does not come for the day and everyone pack their bags to leave home. The school bell rings and the room is empty except for the chicken and me. I walk up to her and like a true adolescent say "I am sorry. I was dared to do it by my friends". She replies " I know you did it as a joke, so never mind". I immediately use the situation and thrust my record book in front of her and say "Can you draw these diagrams for me". "What do I get in return" she bargains. "What do you want", I offer. "I need a favor from you. I am not good at it and my father is busy with work." she asks. "Why not? " I say with a smirk. " Then consider the diagrams done." she replies with a smile. "The work will be done tomorrow morning" I reply triumphantly.
I finish the work as promised. Her father learns about the incident and awards me for my creativity. And a few years later, I am working in fun places like
this and writing stories for this newspaper....( check the authors of the linked story) :-):-)
So what was the work you may ask that won me the job,
She wanted me to write a story for her younger brother's story writing competition. This is what happened after that.....
I go home and think long and hard and write up a science fiction. I call her up and narrate the whole story to her. She just hatesss it... Her brother is in 2nd standard and who would believe that he can write a science fiction. She gives me a mouthful( I mean obscenities, please don't run imaginations wild) and hangs up. I think all night and finally conjure up a story which is nothing but an adaptation from the age old "paati-kaakha-vaaada" story. Her brother wins the prize for my efforts because the judge was my friend.
Cut back to reality
I am happy that the chalk did not hit the chicken or else I would have been working on a newspaper -whose articles and authors, people would deconstruct and criticize according to their whims and fancies. I think journalism is difficult because the reader gives you just thirty seconds and you need to be captivating. You need oodles of creativity. In the numerous things that I wanted to do with my life, journalism was next to doing nothing and before Engineering. But, I jumped on the bandwagon and decided to become an Engineer but I would love to be a journalist in the years to come and also if I am born again and I am not Steve Waugh or Andre Agassi.
Title of the story ; "Chalk, Chaos and Circuits: The snoring of a sleeping giant"
P.S: What does Murphy's Law say about circuits - "Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development. "
