My 2 Cents & I am ....

Development at a cost
Holding on to their homes despite rising waters are the residents of the Narmada Valley. Destructive Development should be stopped. Many of us living in the urban areas and going to Graduate school in the United States fail to understand the impact of such destructive development. We don't realize what it means to lose our place of habitat where we have been living 25 years. Everyone must themselves, what happens if the Governemtn wants to broaden the road tomorrow and you are asked to vacate 35 kms away from the city? Will we be happy in that situation? The Narmada Valley inhabitants have been facing a smiliar predicament and are fighting for their rights.

The Strikeout Machine

The Bigh Unit- Randy Johnson reached 4,000 punch outs yesterday. The Big Unit is easily my favorite baseball player. Players in any competitive arena are dichotomized into stylish and powerful. Johnson may lack a lot of style but he is powerful and he dominates. Long Live, R-A-N-D-Y

Right, Right, Right, Right

VHP wants new party for Hindus . I thought the Hindus did not want the VHP itself. I am still not sure that the divisive agenda professed by the VHP is in any of the holy tenets of Hinduism. The BJP Government had bad policies and was eventually voted . Mr.Ashok Singhal better realize that it was not because BJP was what he proclaims "anti-Hindu". Most of the Hindus still revere the BJP alothough it has made some blindfolded decisions. I hope this kind of politics which tries to exploit society on its social divides, is put to the sword repeatedly.

SharapoWah Re Wah

Maria Sharapova  has got me all excited about women's tennis again, for obvious reasons. She is in semi finals of the Wimbledon. I hope she is the next Steffi Graf and entertains fans like me for a long long time :-)

Indian Examinations For Dummies
"Poitu varan amma" ( Mom, I am leaving) screamed my girl next door. Today was her first exam for her tenth grade. "Nanna Paathu Ezhuditu Va"( literally tranlated it means See carefully and write) , a common pre exam one liner used by parents/grandparents/passerbys all over Tamil Nadu and often misunderstood by the LLB's( Lord of Last Benches) that he has to see the next person's paper and write.

Little does the parent and often times the child, know that the Indian Examinations fall broadly into the domain of Karma where you do your best and leave the rest to the examiner. Here are a few unwritten rules to taste success in your examinations.

1. Do we need margin on the right or on the left? The answer is both. Basically start drawing the margin on the left and move to "right", top and bottom. Imagine yourself to be a chess player, moving your ruler to every conceivable space on paper and placing your pencil and drawing a line on it.

2. Just trust your instincts and keep writing in the direction ascertained by your mind. Adherence to word limit often leads to AIDS( Arrears In Differen Subjects) and might result in eventual fatalities. Most examiner don't correct but just weigh your paper to weigh your knowledge.

3. Don't get discouraged or underestimate yourself. But for a belief in preparation, the other person is no better than you.

4. Bits of Information is very important to succeed in exams. Make sure you carry Bytes of bits wherever possible. You can always acces data from them when the invigilator is in the drowsy mode.

So to every Tom, Dick and Hari writing exams perennially, Indian Exams nuture the unique "can-do" attitude in you and makes you strongly believe in the cliched "anything is possible" phrase.

DISCLAIMER: All thoughts mentioned in the above piece are valid in all Indian States except Bihar, where they have always believed that the "Sword is mightier than the pen".

Is there any light at all?
Bhopal: was the drama necessary? asks Kalpana Sharma in the Hindu editorial. Time and time again, the Government of India has neglected issues of the common man. The issue itslef would seem like a "non issue" in many of the developed country, but the high command in India always responds to the problems of the common man after much hue and cry from the activists.

Bhopal Protests in Washington D.C. by AID Volunteers 

Bhopal Protests in Washington D.C and fast by survivors in New Delhi 

Sorry State of Affairs

12 soldiers were killed in a militant bombing of a bus carrying combat troops in Kashmir. No attention was paid to dead families by the men who rule the country. What a notorious act of neglect of patriotism. The whole country would be crying foul if Sachin Tendulkar had got a small hit on his helmet by a beamer by Shoaib Akthar. Jawans need to be treated with more respect and they are the ones who ought to be treated with most respect. Jawans are the reason why the inland India is safe. We are a country with troubled relationships with our bordering states and cannot afford any complacency from our jawans. If India needs to be pick up anything from America, it is really the respect they show for the Armed forces which safeguard their way of life.
The Hindu : Front Page : Politicians' silence stuns men in uniform

The Joy of Childhood

The weekend went quietly. I had to take up a defensive driving class to negate the effects of my overspeeding. It was a long, sleepy session but I came out of it a little bit wiser than before. I was happy even though I had a grudge that the amount of time spent was not proportinal to the amount of knowledge gained. I was at a Potluck on saturday and watched "Couplings", easily my most favorite TV comedy.

I watched "Perazhagan" on Sunday. It turned out to be quite a decent entertainer. I liked the casual air about the villian of this movie who unlike the usual movie villians did not have thirty people at his beck and call waiting to be beaten up by the heroes scissor kicks, somersaults and what not. Vivek made my heart light with his humor and its time somebody said "Achu"( over) to Aachi.

I played a little bit of cricket which was disrupted quite frequently by two American kids who wanted to join the game as well. I personally feel it is quite difficult to be a child in America. Its not often you get to play in the mud with your friends, fool around in the streets and while away time like you never can. The days of childhood were probably still the best in my memories. I still recollect in soltitude the times when I had homework pending till the last minute, was chucked out of class for calling the next kid by names, cried everytime Boris Becker lost a tennis match, went to each classroom and gave out choclates on birthdays, accompanied my best friend on his birthday, wrote names of the talkative class mates on the board, took my cricket bat and went home just because I was given out.

As Bryan Admas would say " Those were the best days of my life"

Bride Hunt or Maid Hunt

"Oru Paatu Paadein"(Sing a Song) uttered an old but formidable Mami,a card carrying member of the Mamiland, quite a busy group that stays inside the house only as long as their husbands do. The life of a Mami revovles around husband and kids, but the context differs with the axis of the earth. Mamis cook sumptuously for their husbands and kids in the mornings, gossip unendingly their neighbor's about husbands and kids in the afternoons and cry uncontrollably about Chitthi's( Sun TV serial) husband and kids in the night.

My friend, his family, Mami and me had come to inspect( colloquially "check out") a girl from a typical Iyengar neighborhood. Her life, his life might be decided in the next two minutes, I am almost as excited as watching a boxing bout in the thirteenth round. Suddenly out of nowhere this Mami, whom I had presumed all along was like me-someone who had agreed to be a part to this public dating exercise just for the sake of the delicious food that will be served, audaciously asked this three word sentence. Woe betide anyone who took it as just a three word sentence because in Mamiland it is really a camouflaged barometer of the girl's cultural upbringing and readiness to the marriage market.

By the time, the girl cleared her throat, my friend had adjusted his collar a million times and was just about ready to go into a duet with her. I was feeling sorry for this poor guy who was going to mortgage his carefully constructed life to this one minute of madness. The setting with him eating the Bhajji and sipping
his coffee transmitting amorous signals made me think of a slaughterhouse where animals are ruthlessly guillotined after feeding them with a tummy full of food.

At this moment, I was feeling like an unwanted intervention in a family get together but my friend's father, who I had always thought was way more pragmatic than my friend intervened. "God Save(d) the Queen" was my immediate reaction(brought up in a country which would have supplied most of the Queen(s) jewellery collection, I have a natural aversion for the Queen and "God Bless the Queen") The stoppage in play was due to the Dad's unwavering dedication to garner attention for his son's education and qualification. Uncle (My Friend's dad. This is how I refer to him although I would love to call him by his pet name "Cheemachu". ) began by saying " My son did his Graduate studies in America" which did not surprise the girl even a vee bit. A Centum in Mathematics, IIT, Graduate Studies in the United States, San Jose, Microsoft were all carefully arranged furnitures in the dining room of a TamBram and show me any deviation from this pre-conceived set, I show you something wrong in his genes. Mr. Cheemachu continued in his baritone voice about my friend's apartment to his car to his savings scheme. Everybody knew where he was getting and I was listening in rapt attention to finally see the price tag on my friend, whom I had considered was not worth more than a dime.

I wouldn't want to elaborate beyond this point about what happend. The parties could not strike a deal for the merger and we lived another day for some more Bhajji and Kesari. I heard that this kind of pattern matching is called "Maid Hunting". How aptly named- I might anger some feminists by agreeing with whoever called it "Maid Hunting" but the reality of the matter is that often times the feelings of the women are sabotaged. I hope that the utterly disgusting and business-like Dowry is totally eradicated. If you respect your future wife, kindly feel free to Campaign against Dowry and have the logo on your marriage invitation.

Body Double(d)



Some of Bush's actions remind me of a poem that I used to love when I was in primary school ....

For want of a nail, the shoe was lost
For want of a shoe, the horse was lost
For want of a horse, the rider was lost
For want of a rider, the battle was lost
For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost
All for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Bush's poem would probably start with for want of OIL. Oops, I did not mean the viscous material used to run automobiles. The OIL, I meant was Operation Iraqi Liberation :-)

Shock and Awe
The Characters in this narration are imaginary but the narration is real.

"Adhavadhu, Sir" began my next door MAMA( tamil for unwelcome, unwanted 2 cents of advice. MAMA also means uncle but this MAMA is not that MAMA). MAMA is a torchbearer to the long standing belief in the community that a 1935 tenth grade is yards more cognizant than an IAS officer of today. He never forgets to remind you that "Naan antha kalathu SSLC da" ( I studied SSLC(tenth grade) in those days) and you are often left wondering why you were born in free India.

MAMA's opening words are often reflective of his mood. "Adhavadhu, Sir" usually meant "Danger"- the man has been bored sitting in his house, he has read the daily newspaper from the date to the obituary column, called his wife for his nth coffee and has been forcefully pushed out of the house. With the whole world (news) now in his fingertips, he needs some local news( in colloquial English, this is what we term "gossip")He ventures out of his apartment and by the time, the next door hapless neighbor could react, he is in their sofa munching some mixture and coffee from their house.

MAMA exasperatingly continued "Adhavadhu Sir, intha Sonia Eppadi Pannitalae?"( How come Sonia could do this?)in a tone which might suggest to passive, ignorant onlooker that Sonia was his daughter-in-law. The next few words, from his mouth often punctuated with the sound of the mixture hitting against his teeth, would make his stand a little more clear. "Ennava irundhalum, Jannanga ellam avulluku thane votu potta" ( Afterall, the people voted for her). My brother and me started exchanging the bemused looks as we knew MAMA to be a strong advocate of no-foreigner policy but then we knew MAMA changed colors often just like Vijayaganth( intended typo) would in the dream songs. When my brother was waiting for his Engineering admission, all that MAMA had to say in encouragement was " Waiting list number 745 ah, edhavadhu Arts college la admission Kadaikkum" (Waiting list number 745 is it, you will get into a Arts College.). When he eventually got the admission, MAMA's somersault would have made Ganth proud -"Naandhan appove sonnenolloyo, unnakku Enginnering Collegela edam kadikuumnu, naan andha kalathu SSLC Da.. Naan sonna Thappa irrukadhu" (I have told you time and time again, that Engineering is your destiny. I am never wrong, I studied SSLC in those days)

Then my dad retorted by giving his thoughts on the Sonia situation. We were hoping that Mama has had enough for the day as his mixture plate was empty and there was nothing in his coffee tumbler but a few flies. MAMA was inspired by Rahul Dravid today and he seemed immovable like "THE WALL". MAMA went to blame Indira Gandhi for sending Rajiv Gandhi abroad and this is from the man who exhorted my reluctant brother to go abroad for his studies by saying "Poi, Intella Sendhurungo" (Go and Join Intel as if Gordon Moore and him shared the same bed while he was at Michigan) and he also added a communal angle to the issue by saying "Vellinatla thanda, Brahmanalluku Madhiipu" (Brahmins are respected only abroad).

By this time, we all knew MAMA had come for a long innings and would fade away once the serials started in Sun TV. Little did we expect, what MAMA had to say next. MAMA cautioned my dad - " Paathu da, Un paiyanum edhavadhu vellakarriya kuttindu vandhuraporan" (Be careful, even your son might grab a white chick.) Little does he know, that my brother with a name which is 18 characters long, dark moustache and eating a daily diet of Vattha Kuzhambu, Paruupu Thogaiyal, Curd Rice doesn't even stand a chance with a desi girl. As soon as my dad eys wandered out of boredom, MAMA knew where to target and he said "Enndi Saroja, Ennoda co-brother oda moonavathu sisteroda rendavadhu machninanoda nallavathu ponnu kudda americala enggayo San Jose amme angathan irrukal,Pnnu peru Ranganayaki avala vennumna on paiyan aravadmudhuku pakkalama" ( Saroja(my mom) , my co-brother's third sister's second brother-in-law's fourth daughter is in America in a place called San Jose, shall we hook up your son Aravamudhu and her... her name is Ranganayaki). Alas, my brother is going to get hitched to some XYZ who thinks sex is like Crocin which needs to be taken only when necessary i.e when your parents are forcing you to have kids. My brother and me were freaking out at the thought of this and my dad was trying his herculean best to put an end to this topic which usually interests my mom every minute. After 5 hours of gruelling wait, our moment of triumph did come and it was because Mama could hear "Annamalai"( not be the mistaken with the Thalaivar padum. This is the run of the mill Sun TV serial in which the dad predictably has retired out of a Government job after 35 years of service. He has spent his last penny bringing up 4 kids- 3 daughters and 1 son. The son is predictable married to a girl from a richer household and is predictably living with her. Daughters predictably are being treated cruelly by her husbands. The serial is predictably brought to you by the glycerine making company) title song which was resonating off the walls of every house in the apartment.

MAMA never came back again as Manmohan Singh took charge. My brother after years of toil without avail finally got a girlfriend of his choice...

Until MAMA returns with the next WMD- Wambu MahnaDu(Gossip Conference), we are all safely bachelors.

Sympathy, Antipathy and Venkatachalapathy

Ahead of its time was how Hindu's Sudish Kamath has described Mani Rathnam's latest classic in two lanaguages. I somehow do not agree with Sudish that the movie is well ahead of its times. It is a well made, well thought out movie about youth belonging to three different backgrounds. The very essence or beauty of Manirathnam's movies is that you can identify with some of the characters in the movie. As a rebel, I am able to identify myself with Surya. As an utopian who dreams about living in America, I can identify with Siddarth. Manirathnam always makes movies about characters you have seen or you have heard about.
Only hypocrites will reply in negative if you ask them whether you have been or seen the Madhavan character in Alapayuthey or Karthik's role in Mouna Ragam. Nandita Das in Kannathil M... or Pankaj Kapoor in Roja are folks whom we have read and heard about. Also you should commend Manirathnam for shooting his movies in India and India only. Some of the locales in Roja, Bombay, Dil se would make you gape at the aesthetic beauty of the Indian landscape. Even the title of the Tamil version is so thoughtfully coined. Ayutha Ezhuthu is Aak( represented by three dots , two on one side and one on the opposite side. If you see the movie, you will realize the two dots which were on the same side.

On a related note, I heard that the Hindi audience did not like the movie. Why am I not surprised?. Hindi movie audience do not want to accept reality. They would rather see Shahrukh Khan as a school student winning his Chemistry teacher than Ajay Devgan winning the By-Elections.Having seen a few of those megahits in Hindi, I have developed an Einstein like understanding of those movies. Take a Manirathnam movie and rip away reason and logic, you will get a Hindi blockbuster. If you are not capable of doing that, then go to your Aunt and I am sure she will have a video tape of her wedding. See the wedding and replace your Aunt with Shilpa Shetty or Madhuri Dixit and your uncle with one of the Khan's and you have a winner on your hands. Do not forget to give it a long name - " Meri Aunty Ki Shaadi" (MAKS). It is a no brainer that the hero and the heroine meet in either the hero/heroine's wedding. It will be a bigger hit if the hero/heroine is already hooked on to some useless rascal within the family by their parents. There has to be a minimum of 8 songs with three songs shot anywhere outside India.How about returning to some of those after dark movies you watched in your teenage years. Squeeze your brain, remember the fleshiest parts and build an absolute no- sense plot around it and what you have in your hands- "Cheat", "Boyfriend", "Teacher", "Neighbor" - all offerings that would catch fire with the Hindi Log...
Here is one of my friends thought about Hindi Movies....
Hindi Movies

So, are Tamil movies any better? Puhhhhllleaassse would be the most popular retort. Making a Tamil movie is probably easier than heating up milk in the house. All you need is a village, one boy, one girl. Needless to say that each belongs to a different caste and their dad (usually one of them is Vijayakumar and the other is Sivakumar) heads their respective castes. Intialize your variables by showing some instances of fatherly affection between daughter and dad, some tearjerking between mom and son whenever he goes into the village and drags a fight with anyone who speaks ill of his father. Start your process by firsting NANDing the hero and heroine and finally ANDing them in a loop. One usual comedy track irritatingly headed by Vadivelu or Vivek beheading the value in humor. Throw in two romantic songs, one utterly disgusting song praising Vijayakumar and one sentiment song. If guys cannot guess the climax, then rush to the nearest video shop and close your eyes, take any movie, rewind it all the way till the end and watch the climax. If Hindi movies show hearoines with hot bodies and no brains, Tamil movies show heroines with neither. What you have is so called "Bombay" heroine with no "Bomb".


Sympathy for Manirathnam that he is living in a time ruled by sex, lies and pirated CD's. Antipathy for Hindi movies and only Venkatachalapathy can save Tamil movies.

Am I doing the right job???

My mom and dad always said "Endra Pulla , periya engineera varuvango" but still wanted to see whether my personality suited the job. In this never ending quest to rediscover myself, I took another test to see whether I am in the right career. The test spewed out the following professions where I would have been good.


real estate broker, chef, physical therapist, stock broker( a la Harshad Mehta), news reporter( a la Nirmala Periyasamy), fire fighter, promoter, entrepreneur, pilot(I like being a pilot in a famous American airline... you can even drink and fly :-)), budget analyst,insurance agent, management consultant, franchise owner( makes me feel like Mark Cuban. I would name my teams "Mambalam Mosquitoes", "Adayar Alamarams", "Mylapore Mayils", "Saidapet Cooums", "Tamabaram Thayyir Sadams"), electrical engineer, aircraft mechanic, technical trainer, EEG technologist, radiological technician, emergency medical tech., corrections officer( For guys who saw Virumandi, this is the English equivalent of Peikamman), flight attendant.( Sorry not me. I know how I frown when flight attendants are male.)

Tatooing Husbands Caught on Film sequel to Cheating Husbands caught on Tape


Doesn't the tatoo on Beckham's hand say Victoria - Isn't that love for your wife ? :-) 

Diamondbacks Vs. Yankees at Phoenix

Does it make me feel nostalgic or what? 3 years back in October 2001, baseball was still alien to me. It did not make any sense at all. Why would I hit and anlways run knowing that the fileder is going to get me? Sounds crazy....

It all changed in a span of 14 days. Arizona Diamondbacks, my home team was in the World Series and the mood was electric. I learnt the game in a jiffy and the seventh game victory, with Luis Gonzalez hitting a blooper off "He-Man" Mariano Rivera to win it alll was just unbelievable..... At the end of it, I used expletives at the Yankees like I would never do again..

The party went on till midnight on the roads of Tempe, AZ. We took to the roads with traditional South Indian rural music and we were dancing in the streets.... Relive it all, Yankees face the Diamondbcks at the Bank One Ball Park in Phoenix for a three game set starting Tuesday.....

I hope the D'backs whack the shit out of the Yankee team...

I love my Diamondbacks
Arizona Diamondbacks News

All about a Dawg

I watched "What Women Want" last night and freaked out at the idea of listening to what other people thought about me. I couldn't hold my excitement longer. I logged into the internet and noticed at a friend's blog that there was a personality test which would tell me what other people thought of me...... Great!!! took it and this is what it had to say

"Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the centre of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out."

I almost felt like this unique amalgam of Charlie Chaplin, Mahatma Gandhi and Buddha. Suddenly I got the feeling that maybe it also meant I was Narcissistic.

I tried another test and this is wot it said

"Others see you as one who exaggerate achievements, expecting others to recongize you as being superior. You possess a sick sense of humor often bordering on chauvinism. They see you as an epitome of self centeredness. You also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves you. You are often manipulative."

In seeking to find out "What Women Want", I am left screaming "Who am I"

Your Voice Counts

Bhopal 1984, was the scene of the gravest Industrial disasters. The cries are heard even today. The effects are felt even today. Hold the culprits responsible. Raise your voice. This is our best chance

Bhopal Petition

The Flip side of the coin

The last few weeks after the elections have been interesting. There has been a widespread Hindu bashing. Indian Express ran a story today about how Indians have forgotten the "Hindu" civilization. It also points out how the gravest of religious massacares have occured even during the "secular" regimes.

I totally agree with the writer on certain points but I strongly believe that Hinduism is a beautiful way of life where each Hindu is given an wide space to practize his religion. Hinduism is not governed by tenets, it does not say how many times you should pray, how many times you should visit the temple, how many times someone should fast etc etc. Every Hindu decides what is Hinduism. That space ought to remain inviolable. It is a space worth living and dying for.

Hinduism should not be imposed. Hindus don't want to be associated with the word "fundamentalists" and with all the state sponsored aggression in Gujarat, the world over the Hindus have been assigned the unwanted tag. Being proud of the civilization and being imposing are two different things and the previous Government had crossed the line.

This inner voice too needs hearing

I found this extremely funny 

People Living in Glass Houses should not throw stones at others 




I am not saying Manmohan Singhiji should have tainted Ministers but I am saying people pointing fingers should be clean. I hope Dr.Manmohan Singh will take note of the tainted Ministers issue and take suitable steps to relieve them of their portfolios. I am sure it is dificult as some of them are key allies but sincere zero is better than a stealthier hero....

India Shining, proclaimed the previous Government but the reality of the matter is India is Shining only for those in the IT Sector. Forgive the cliche but the rich are getting richer , the poor are getting denser and weaker... Will the new Government wake up and provide food(not rats) for this starving community

Yash Raj Films Present "Olympic Jyothi 2004: A Shame in the Name of F(l)ame" Featuring Aamir Khan, Bipasha Basu, Aishwarya Rai, Vivek Oberoi and Milkha Singh

I would excuse anyone who thought this was the muhurat of a new movie. But unfortunately not, these were the folks who carried the Olympic torch through the streets of Delhi. India has a dearth of successful Olympians agreed but do even Aish, Bipasha Basu , Aamir Khan and Vivek Oberoi watch the games. Can't Indian Olympic Association find some other hands for that famed torch. India has once again proved that it is fast becoming a prey to sponsorship, glitz and glamour.

They could have atleast called the "Olympic Hopefuls" to carry this torch. Paes, Bhupathi would have been a better choice than Oberoi and Aamir. I also take a strong exception to the belief that "Sachin or Sunny should have been called". I am not sure why cricketers need to carry the torch. Cricket is not a part of the games and these cricketers pay mainly for their monetary benefits. The one time, they were asked to represent the country in the Commonwealth games , they made a huge hue and cry about not these matches being scheduled in the same time as the sponsorship driven "Sahara Cup" played in cold Toronto.

India can become a stronger sporting nation only if we started thinking out of the stumps, bat, pads and gloves.

AUSTIN POWERS MINI ME

I am neither a spy nor a baddie. I am just reacting to the AID Conference that I attended in Austin couple of weeks back. It was inspiring to say the least. It invigorated the me inside ME and has given me the vision to look at the larger picture. Where do we stand in the pantheon of useful people to this world has always been a burning question torching my thoughts. I finally found an answer... I stand nowhere.

I had this golden opportunity of listening to Rajendra Singh, the man who shattered the myth that "Large Dams are pillars of India" by professing that traditional methods of water conservation and harvesting done efficiently can make India a water sufficient country. I am not proficient in Hindi but somehow I could realte to what he was saying even before the intrepreter called it in English. The problems that touch your heart always reached your mind irrespective of the language they are conveyed....

For more on Rajendra Singh and his organization Tarun Bharat Sangh

http://www.tarunbharatsangh.com/

Geeks Gone Wild

If you read my blog regularly, then you would probably know that a few weeks before I posted an article that appeared on a student board about geekish gawkish Tams not being able to land good looking women....

To all the Parthasarathys, Arivudainambis, Kailyaperumals, Nachimuthu's, Poonguzhalsamis of this world... here is some inspiration before you give up......

Wired 12.06: Cracking the Code to Romance

Abacharam, Abacharam !!!!!! 
Who said women are becoming less pious



Falling at God's feet has an entirely new dimension now....

B***t, P***s and Junk Mail....

Junk mails are very annoying. Nine times out of ten you open your inbox, you have someone asking you whether you need a breast enhancement. Sometimes, these emails also are very relevant to the situation. Sometimes it goes like " Are you in short of money for tuition", " Is your medical insurance too high"... Junk mails elobrating why breast enlargements are good always make it to your mailbos, here is instace where it made it to the mainstream print media.


Our B-I-G fix - The Times of India

That That Man, That That Problem

I found this following narration, recitation, frustration or whatever you may call it extremely funny and relevant. I should narrate a personal incident that happend a few years ago. When one of my friends quizzed me about Salman Rushdie's girlfriend, I guessed and said " Elizabeth".... He laughed his butt off and said "Padma Lakshmi". Padma Lakshmi is a traditional South Indian girl's name(often shorterned to "Paddu") and it has won the attention and admiration of Sallu. I am left wondering when Partha( elongated to ParthaSarathy) is going to have the same fate with Liz or Beth.

"The Travails of Single South Indian men of conservative upbringing"
or
"Why we don't get any..."

Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of south Indian men. What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere mallus and tams? (Kandus were once among us, but Bangalore has changed all that.) Our futures are
shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapthy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha.
Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He has no personal life you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs. The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu
manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he cant use his 30000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when in school they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes.

Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway. If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Of course the south Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet
poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks. Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er.. hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan Seminary. Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an
hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there. However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention. The women love a man
who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room his female coworkers just dissappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. The have all rematerialized around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have the gall to talk of foreign origin.) How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in
painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt.



Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red t shirt and baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badsha". Sociologically too the tam or mallu man is severely sidelined. An average tam stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children. Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at the 3 in the morning. The mallu guy of course is almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks. Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be. A nice arranged little love story. But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and whispers back "But amma has said only on second saturdays..."

An Hair -Rising Experience

Sushma Swaraj was going to take away the swaraj from her name. She was wedded to her politics which died a sudden death at this year's elections. Hence Madam Sushma Swadeshi decides to mourn the death of her political style by shaving her hair and taking sanyas.

What a good riddance for the country? Widowed ladies not being able to carry on with lifer after the death of their husbands has been a tradition that has been criticized and decried by everyone from Dayanand Saraswathi to Golwalkar. Yet, Sushma used this cheap and stupid traditional method to intimidate a "Videshi Widow". Don;t you think the country is better without women like this.

Women like Sushma, Umabharti, Mamta, Jayalalitha and Mayawati are a strong case of reducing the reservation alloted to women in politics.


India Together: Sense and nonsense - opinion by Kalpana Sharma - June 2004

Border and Communism
Please don't get fooled that the Communists are flirting with the national Border. This is Allan Border, the ex- Aussie captain... Read below for more

Allan Border visits CPI-M headquarters

There was a joke in the internet a few years back which goes like this

It seems the Aussies invited Gavaskar to Sydney Opera House for the screening of a movie they called "Gavaskar". At the end of the movie, Sunny had no clue why they named it Gavaskar as the movie did not have anything about him. He asked the directory as to why they named it Gavaskar without any scenes about him. The director replied with a smirk even you guys in India made a film "Border" and there were no scenes of our great captain...

HAHAHA

swamerei
I have not even heard of this word at 24 but a 13 year old tried to spell it and lost the first place in the spelling bee competition.... Truly Amazing are the kids of today

Buddiga comes second in Spelling Bee: "'schwarmerei"

Common Minimum Programme or Consensus Made Possible or Compromise Made Possible

The Hindu : National : UPA Government to adhere to six basic principles of governance

Globalization.....Is it the way for aggrandization???


Globalization....

"In the Name of Ram"

Lord Krishna supposedly makes an incarnation on earth everytime truth seemingly is losing its face. I hope Mahabhrata is re enacted in Gujarat and Lord Kirshna helps this Muslim lady( read below) as she goes to court trying to indict the folks who burnt her grandmother, aunt and cousin just because they were relegiously different.

Ode to Zahira: A victim fights on - The Times of India

BMW's up for grabs... Any takers???

A well known Indian personality bought a BMW but to give this one some caompany, he ordered 5 more. This Indian personality is no longer what he used to be before and he can afford only two of these 6 luxury boats on road. He gave 2 to his predecessor and he has to dispose the remaining two.... Who are the lucky ones????

The Hindu : Front Page : A tale of six mine-proof BMWs

Chandrababu Naidu: the VIRUS......

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